Displeasure

I'm growing increasingly unsatisfied with the layout/colour scheme for this site.  (In my mind, the two are inexorably linked, so changing one implies changing the other.)  Anyone got any suggestions on what I could possibly do to change it?

Posted by g026r at 23:29 | 8 comments | Most recent by g026r

Small Survey

I've been using Firefox 1.5 for a little while now (basically, since it was officially released), and I can't say I'm terribly impressed with it.  Namely, I'm finding it to be a system-crippling memory hog.

If I do an hour or so of my standard web browsing, then Firefox will quickly balloon to between 200 and 300 megabytes of RAM usage.  On my home system, this results in a noticeable sluggishness (being approximately half the RAM), whilst on another system this resulted in the system becoming virtually unusable.  The only response to this is to make a note of what sites are open, close Firefox, and start again.  This happens regardless of whether one extension or many are running (as both machines had different setups).

So, what I want to know is:  has anyone else who is using Firefox 1.5 noticed this?

Human See, Human Do

From the "facepalm" department:

Burger King, as a tie-in to the remake of King Kong, has a new burger out: the Triple Whopper®.  The advertising campaign for which is designed to imply that it could even feed King Kong himself.  There's just one small problem with this idea: gorillas are vegetarians.

Whoops.

On another note: I'll be heading home tomorrow.  There may be a short seasonally-appropriate story going up on Sunday if I can find one, but right now it's not looking likely.

The Tomb Of Pan

(From Fifty-One Tales, by Lord Dunsany.  Originally published by Elkin Matthews, London, 1915.)

"Seeing," they said, "that old-time Pan is dead, let us now make a tomb for him and a monument, that the dreadful worship of long ago may be remembered and avoided by all."

So said the people of the enlightened lands. And they built a white and mighty tomb of marble. Slowly it rose under the hands of the builders and longer every evening after sunset it gleamed with rays of the departed sun.

And many mourned for Pan while the builders built; many reviled him. Some called the builders to cease and to weep for Pan and others called them to leave no memorial at all of so infamous a god. But the builders built on steadily.

 Continue reading The Tomb Of Pan

Posted by g026r at 00:00 | 1 comment | Most recent by g026r

You'll Find Out When You Grow Up That Big Bird Isn't Funny

This story has me amused beyond belief: Teacher Tells First-Graders There's No Santa Claus.

Of course, I get saddened when I click on the poll and find that 78% of the respondents feel that she should have been disciplined for her actions.  Therefore, I feel that something important should be said about this:

There's no Easter Bunny either.

And If I Am Elected, I Promise the Formation of a New Party, a Third Party, a Wild Party!

Yes, it's an election-related entry.  From the CBC: Albertans frustrated by lack of attention.

According to the article, Albertans are angry over the fact that since November 29th (the official start of the election campaign), only one party leader (Jim Harris, of the Green Party of Canada) has bothered to make a campaign stop in Alberta.  While I understand that they're feeling neglected and upset, I also think that the party leaders do have better things to do than visit Alberta.

("Better things to do"?  Are you putting down Alberta, Andrew?)

Of course not.  It's just that, given that most commentators are once again predicting a minority government, the leaders' time would be better devoted to campaigning in areas where one party isn't consistently polled as winning between 92 and 100 percent of the seats.  This did, however, get me interested in something:  just how many seats, historically, have parties like the Liberals and the NDP (and the CCF before them) won in Alberta?

You know what that means: history lesson time.  And not just any sort of history lesson, but the best kind: a history lesson dealing with regional politics in Canada.  (I can hear the snores already.)

 Continue reading And If I Am Elected, I Promise the Formation of a New Party, a Third Party, a Wild Party!

La Befana Vien di Notte Con le Scarpe Tutte Rotte

As some people may know, I'm not much of a Christmas person.  I've really got no use for it, other than as an excuse to see just how many people can fit into a single store at the same time.

Anyways, there've been all kinds of rumblings from our neighbour to the south about the use of the word "holidays" to describe the period of time from sometime early in December until sometime early in January.  Normally I'd ignore this, but the people screaming about it are making such a noisy tempest in such a small teapot that it's getting hard to ignore.  In amongst this has come up the following quote from an article on a school that decorated the classroom with a number of decorations representing different cultural traditions:

"At the same time the school has changed the religious songs to secular," Staver says, "their so-called 'Winter Program' has included decorating classrooms with Santa Claus, Kwanzaa, menorahs, and even Labafana - a term I'd not even heard of until this year." Labafana, he says, is "apparently a Christmas witch."

I personally find it amusing that he's railing against this particular decoration (I hate to be judgemental and stereotypical, but I'm tempted to say he heard the term "witch" and freaked.)  Although he may not have heard of it, the tale of La Befana (not Labafana, as stated — further proof that someone didn't do their research) is an old Italian folktale that actually does have a religious component to it — and by religious, I mean Christian.  So, for those of you who've never heard it before, I present to you the tale of La Befana (as I remember it).  Those who know the Russian tale of Babushka will find in this disturbing similarities.

 Continue reading La Befana Vien di Notte Con le Scarpe Tutte Rotte

For Science!

After reading this article on the Beeb, I can't help but think that body-snatching would have been an amusing profession.  Just imagine the meet-the-parents conversations:

"So, what do you do for a living?"
"Well, whenever the university needs more bodies for dissections, I run down to the graveyard, find a fresh grave, and desecrate the resting place of whoever was buried there."
"…"

Ok, so maybe I'd have to come up with a nice lie for situations like that.

What We Have Come To

(From Fifty-One Tales, by Lord Dunsany.  Originally published by Elkin Matthews, London, 1915.)

When the advertiser saw the cathedral spires over the downs in the distance, he looked at them and wept.

"If only," he said, "this were an advertisement of Beefo, so nice, so nutritious, try it in your soup, ladies like it."

Posted by g026r at 00:00 | 1 comment | Most recent by g026r

The Grapes Are Sour, And Not Ripe As I Thought

In reference to an earlier post:

There are a number of other bunches starting, but that's the biggest of them.  The clear dots on the vine are sap balls (which I also got during the summer), for the curious.

Aah! Reverse vampires! Reverse vampires!

Tighten up your tinfoil hats, folks, it's time to go searching for alternate meanings in the Bible.  Today's topic is one of my (obvious) favourites: the Rapture.  From 1 Corinthians 15:51-52:

"⁵¹Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,

"⁵²In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed."

Now, let's examine this more closely: "We shall not all sleep" — this is obviously simple to figure out.  What's being said is that not all the followers shall die.  "but we shall all be changed," — here's where it starts getting interesting. We shall all be changed?  Changed how?  The next line gives us the answer: "[…] and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed."

Now think about that for a moment: the dead shall be raised, and this results in people being "changed".  This should all sound familiar, as it's a storyline that we've seen over and over again.  Several times in the past couple of years, in fact.  Have you figured it out yet?  If you haven't, here's the answer:

Zombies.

Yes, that's right: zombies.  It's really quite blatant, if you stop and think about it.  Dead rising from their graves, not dying but being "changed"—the latter a clear metaphor for the fact that people bitten by zombies don't die, but become new zombies.  The Rapture isn't some giant lifting of people from Earth into Heaven, like certain zombie apologists would like you to believe.  No, the Rapture is nothing more but a nice, friendly, sanitised name for the coming zombie apocalypse.  As someone once said: we're through the looking glass here, people.

It should be noted that this also gives a new meaning to "Take, eat; this is my body."

Sister, I Need Wine

I'd say that I normally skip pointless posts like this, but we all know that that would be a lie.

Anyways, whilst spraying my roses (which have unfortunately acquired some sort of bug upon being moved indoors), I noticed that my grape vines had something growing on one of the vines.  More accurately: little tiny bunches of spherical green things.  I have grapes!  GRAPES!

Compromise

(From Fifty-One Tales, by Lord Dunsany.  Originally published by Elkin Matthews, London, 1915.)

They built their gorgeous home, their city of glory, above the lair of the earthquake. They built it of marble and gold in the shining youth of the world. There they feasted and fought and called their city immortal, and danced and sang songs to the gods. None heeded the earthquake in all those joyous streets. And down in the deeps of the earth, on the black feet of the abyss, they that would conquer Man mumbled long in the darkness, mumbled and goaded the earthquake to try his strength with that city, to go forth blithely at night and to gnaw its pillars like bones. And down in those grimy deeps the earthquake answered them, and would not do their pleasure and would not stir from thence, for who knew who they were who danced all day where he rumbled, and what if the lords of that city that had no fear of his anger were haply even the gods!

 Continue reading Compromise

If the Future Isn't Bright, At Least It's Colourful

This rates as one of the strangest/funniest things I've seen in a while.  To quote from the first clip's title card:

"Blixa Bargeld, leadsinger of the industrial techno^* band Collapsing New Buildings^**, reads the DIY Catalogue of the Hornbach Home Improvement Superstore"

There were four ads in total.  The first two are merely strange, while in the third one he practically starts singing, and then spends the fourth one screaming the phrases at the camera.  To say that these would have been strange to see on television would be an understatement.

Yippee yah-yah yippee yippee yay.

* This is, quite honestly, the first time I've ever heard them called techno.  I suppose that Ende Neu was sort of danceable, provided you didn't mind power tools.
** That's Einstürzende Neubauten to everyone but the Epica Awards, it would seem.

Update: Turns out I was wrong.  There are 13 of them, although the others are hard to find (and only seem to be available in German).  Anyone care to translate them for me?

 Continue reading If the Future Isn't Bright, At Least It's Colourful

Make Your Own Damn "In Soviet Russia…" Joke

Note to self: if a squirrel looks hungry, feed it!

From the Beeb (via Shan):  Russian squirrel pack 'kills dog'.

"Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report. […]

They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

A pine cone shortage may have led the squirrels to seek other food sources, although scientists are sceptical. […]

Two notes: 1) although the story is currently unconfirmed, squirrels seem to be worse than crackheads when they can't get their fix, and 2) what is it with Russia and creatures eating other creatures they wouldn't normally?  (See also: Cannibalism)