Pyle!

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
31.  Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

The fact that someone actually managed to get these is a testament to human ingenuity, or a warning against building your home under high voltage powerlines.  Either way, it's definitely worth it to read the 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army.

Today's title is 2 points, and I won't take the Simpsons or Full Metal Jacket as an answer.