Aah! Reverse vampires! Reverse vampires!

Tighten up your tinfoil hats, folks, it's time to go searching for alternate meanings in the Bible.  Today's topic is one of my (obvious) favourites: the Rapture.  From 1 Corinthians 15:51-52:

"⁵¹Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,

"⁵²In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed."

Now, let's examine this more closely: "We shall not all sleep" — this is obviously simple to figure out.  What's being said is that not all the followers shall die.  "but we shall all be changed," — here's where it starts getting interesting. We shall all be changed?  Changed how?  The next line gives us the answer: "[…] and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed."

Now think about that for a moment: the dead shall be raised, and this results in people being "changed".  This should all sound familiar, as it's a storyline that we've seen over and over again.  Several times in the past couple of years, in fact.  Have you figured it out yet?  If you haven't, here's the answer:

Zombies.

Yes, that's right: zombies.  It's really quite blatant, if you stop and think about it.  Dead rising from their graves, not dying but being "changed"—the latter a clear metaphor for the fact that people bitten by zombies don't die, but become new zombies.  The Rapture isn't some giant lifting of people from Earth into Heaven, like certain zombie apologists would like you to believe.  No, the Rapture is nothing more but a nice, friendly, sanitised name for the coming zombie apocalypse.  As someone once said: we're through the looking glass here, people.

It should be noted that this also gives a new meaning to "Take, eat; this is my body."