Titles Are Hard

Because I'm feeling particularly mean today, it's time to inaugurate "mock the Flixster reviews".  (Actual username and profile links not included in the main text, as I'm not feeling that mean.  Nevertheless, all reviews are real, and all come from the same person.)

To start things off with this, our first entry, we've got a pair of reviews.  First off, a review of Alexander (which they gave 1 star), emphasis mine:

"I was so f***ing awsome! like 3 hours or w/e in the theater with Liam and Tom! btw the film sucked who tf is "Anthony Hopkins" it was staring Coling Farrell obviously, estupido!"

I'm not sure what to say to this.  Perhaps "Kids these days"?

Whilst I can understand not being able to name another role for an actor at times (despite the fact that Mr. Hopkins has had some fairly career-defining roles), not knowing who someone as iconic as Anthony Hopkins is is slightly baffling.  If the fractured English hadn't been enough for me to discount their reviews, this would have also done it.  (By the way, miss, there's a Mr. Lecter at the door.  He wants to know if you'd be interested in coming over for dinner and a nice chianti.)

Moving on, Ultraviolet (which they gave 4 stars):

"It was good! In the first twenty or so minutes like 100 people died. There was like no swearing or blood. The story line was interesting. It's something I'd buy."

So, it would appear that mass killings are just peachy, so long as they don't break the skin (Hrm, she must be a cleric.), and so long as no one happens to let a dirty word slip out while they're busy being killed.  Clearly, this is a new and interesting set of moral values.  (However — as evidenced by her Alexander review — she would have been fine with swearing in the film had the characters pronounced the naughty words using asterisks after the first letter.)

So, to sum up:

• Mass killings = OK.
• Blood and/or swearing = Not OK.
• Anthony Hopkins = Who the f***?

(I feel the need to point out that the average Flixster rating for Ultraviolet (3 stars) is the same as that for Casablanca.  I'm sorry, Mike, but the people have spoken.)